Portland, Maine.

I've been writing all day. Trying to finish th first draft of a script that's due in two weeks. But really due in one week. I'm working hard, but I can't seem to find my groove. Frustrating. Distracted by delicious coffee and American Spirits. Yuck.

Yesterday's Terry Gross interview with Julia Sweeney was amazing. It was about Julia's show, "Letting Go of God." Terry's a wonderful interviewer. As I listened, I was reminded of how difficult her job must be -- listening to people talk all the time.

My friend Lucy recently told me she's been trying not to react so quickly to things. I want to stop doing that. She suggested one way to combat this problem is to be aware of your tongue. That is, think about where your tongue is located when you are not talking, but someone else is (i.e. you are listening). If it's on the roof of your mouth, you're waiting to talk. That's bad. You should be relaxed, present with the other person. Listening.

Too often I find my tongue on the roof of my mouth these days.

Last night I saw An Inconvenient Truth for the second time. Had a lump in my throat for the first fifteen minutes. Again. The last line of the film is so beautiful. I can't remember it verbatim, but its something about how future generations will look back and ask, "How did you let this happen (to our environment)?" Then, Al Gore says, "We need to hear that question now."

I've been asking a similar question when I go to film festivals about gay rights. "Twenty years from now, when your children ask you what you did to help bring justice to gays and lesbians, what will you say?"

A new movie by Philip Noyce called Catch A Fire opens soon. The film, based on a true story, takes place in South Africa in the 1980s during Apartheid. It's about many things, but at its core the story is about two fathers on separate sides of the political spectrum, played by Derek Luke and Tim Robbins. In the end, the black South African asks the white South African: "My children when they speak of their father, they will say he was a man who stood up for what he believed, for what was right. What will your children say about you?"

I'm not sure why I am doing this blog, but I know that I need to do it. It has been a long time since I wrote down things I was thinking and feeling, but I remember how useful it was during periods in my life when I kept a journal. I know there have been some specific markers of inspiration, some of which are included as links on this page: Rosanne Cash and Julia Sweeney have inspired blogs. And Margaret Sartor recently published an amazing book of her diary entries from her teen years entitled "Miss American Pie." So, here it is, my first real blog.

I'm obsessed with Michael Shermer. He's the founder of SKEPTIC magazine. He recently published an essay on Salon.com called "The Joys of Life Without God." You can read it here on their website for free if you agree to watch one advertisement. Small price, if you ask me. Shermer's take is that a person does not have to believe in any sort of God in order to see how awesome (literally) the world is or to be moral. Evidence seems to be the focus of his analysis, something fundamentalists of every stripe must certainly detest. I'm new to this line of thinking, having been raised a Christian (Southern Baptist), but something about Shermer's essay, combined with my own doubts, struck a chord.

Looking at the world and asking the question of god's existence is not easy if you've been taught to believe that god is real. But it is essential, I think. Existence of god seems so much less important to me on a daily basis than, say, how people are treated. But I am beginning to see how essential the question becomes when dealing with the rise of the "Christian" Right. Look at our society. God is on our money, in our pledge of allegiance, our municipal buildings, in the court room. It's a strange blending, God and State. And this scares me. Much more than a world without god.

The writer and performer Julia Sweeney, once a devout Catholic, as well as the androgynous character "Pat" on "Saturday Night Live," was featured recently on the radio program "This American Life" in which she describes how she became an atheist. It was so funny and moving, as most of her work tends to be. But it also struck a chord. It was one of those moments when you're not looking for something, but it suddenly appears, right in front of you. It was like a light came on in my brain and I suddenly realized, this is what I've been feeling for years. Boom: instant recognition. In a separate interview, Julia said she has taught her daughter a revised version of the Pledge of Allegiance. It ends like this: "...and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under LAWS, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

Next time I have to recite the Pledge of Allegiance, that's the version I'm going to use. God or no god, it's how it should be.